Mistakes pt2

I did it again.
Drinking, smoking, won‘t erase your words.
Crying taking a shower,
What is my tear, what is your water?
I‘m not feeling lighter
There‘s a wall in my heart
There‘s a secret town there, where I‘ll drop it all
You all only see smiles, hapiness and endless talk,
But I was wrong with all you too.
I keep thinking if I really deserve to live.
What I really want to do?
Jumping out the fourth floor.
I‘m sorry.
I won‘t make any of you to see me for obligation. Not again.
Goodbye.
“Maybe there's a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
And it's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah“